im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
