I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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