OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
