He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
