You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
