Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
