ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
