Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
