fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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