on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drake has all the answers
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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