I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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