pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
