just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
