Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
