When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize