why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
