Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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