All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
