Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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