I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
