There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
