"it" just moved
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
