so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
