so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
