Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
