You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
