You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
