Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish you could order shots online.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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