so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
