I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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