hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
