That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
