Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
