She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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