just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
