is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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