God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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