WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
