A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
