yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
