Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My ass is underappreciated
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize