Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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