Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
