Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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