Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
