We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
