I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
