So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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