I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
birth control should be required to get into college
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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