I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hippo gnu deer
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
