currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
