im about as happy as oj after his trial
only if we run a train.
done.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can't put those talents on a resume
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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