Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
