Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
