Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dear god my vagina.
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