I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize