I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
