i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
