i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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