covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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