how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
