last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
