I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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