What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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