I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
