Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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