I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
