The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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